Forgive and Forget, Move forward with a Clean Slate, Dr. Emdad Khan
We Human beings make mistakes in life and unknowingly commits sins. So seeking forgiveness is critical and Allah is Merciful and Forgiving. Two kinds of forgiveness: Allah’s forgiveness and human forgiveness. We need, as we mistake in our relations to Allah as well as our relations to each other. What is needed is to recognize the mistake/sin, rectify it and seek forgiveness.
قَالَا رَبَّنَا ظَلَمۡنَآ أَنفُسَنَا وَإِن لَّمۡ تَغۡفِرۡ لَنَا وَتَرۡحَمۡنَا لَنَكُونَنَّ مِنَ ٱلۡخَـٰسِرِينَ (٢٣) سُوۡرَةُ الاٴعرَاف
Adam/Hawa: They said: “Our Lord! We have wronged ourselves. If You forgive us not, and bestow not upon us Your Mercy, we shall certainly be of the losers.” (7.23)
وَذَا ٱلنُّونِ إِذ ذَّهَبَ مُغَـٰضِبً۬ا فَظَنَّ أَن لَّن نَّقۡدِرَ عَلَيۡهِ فَنَادَىٰ فِى ٱلظُّلُمَـٰتِ أَن لَّآ إِلَـٰهَ إِلَّآ أَنتَ سُبۡحَـٰنَكَ إِنِّى ڪُنتُ مِنَ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ (٨٧) سُوۡرَةُ الاٴنبیَاءya
Prophet YOUNIS: And (remember) Dhunnun (the man of the fish, namely Yunus (A.S)), when he walked away in anger and thought that We would never put him to trouble. Then, he called (Us) in depths of darkness saying, “There is no god but You. Pure are You. Indeed I was among the wrongdoers”. (21.87)
۞ قُلۡ يَـٰعِبَادِىَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَسۡرَفُواْ عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِهِمۡ لَا تَقۡنَطُواْ مِن رَّحۡمَةِ ٱللَّهِۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَغۡفِرُ ٱلذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًاۚ إِنَّهُ ۥ هُوَ ٱلۡغَفُورُ ٱلرَّحِيمُ (٥٣) سُوۡرَةُ الزُّمَرh Az-Zumar
Say (on My behalf), “O servants of Mine who have acted recklessly against their own selves, do not despair of Allah’s mercy. Surely, Allah will forgive all sins. Surely, He is the One who is the Most-Forgiving, the Very-Merciful. (39.53)
Forgive, Forget and Move forward: parents, relative, everyone and ourselves
Four people, we need to forgive if we are serious about changing our life and learning how to live in the now.
- A) first, our parents (father, mother, father in law & mother in law), living or dead.
We must forgive them for every mistake they made in bringing us up. At least, we should be grateful to them for giving us life. If we are happy to be alive, we can forgive them. No complaint.
Often this simple act of courage will have a profound effect on our relationship with mother or father. From that day onward, we will become good friends, which last the rest of our lives
By not forgiving our parents, we remain a child and see ourselves as victims and keep our negative feelings and anger alive. If our parents die without us having forgiven them, it can bother us for the rest of our life. Holding on to anger is like drinking poison: Let us forgive and bring Happiness in our life, fill lighter
- b) CLOSE RELATIVES
Second, forgive relation from our marriages or blood. These relationships can be intense, and thrand threatening feelings of self-esteem and self-worth, that we may be angry and unforgiving toward those people for years.
But we were at least partially responsible say , “I am also responsible,” and then forgive the other person and let him or her go. Say the words, “I forgive him/her for everything and I wish him/her well.” Each time we repeat this, the negative emotion attached to the memory will diminish. Soon it will be gone forever.
TO LET GO by writing a letter: forgive and seek forgiveness
Writing “the letter” in putting a bad relationship behind, a powerful way to free us from feelings of anger and resentment. The letter of forgiveness with three parts.
- First say, “I forgive you for everything you ever did that hurt me and also I seek your forgiveness.”
-Second, list things that we are still angry about. -Third, end the letter, “I wish you best.”
– Post the letter to the mailbox. We will feel a huge sense of relief, and feel free.
No worry about the other party reaction, goal is the to free ourselves, to regain peace of mind,
- c) Forgive every one: CLEAR OUR SLATE AND MOVE FORWARD
-Third, forgive is everyone else who has ever hurt us in any way.
Forgive every boss, business partner, friend, neighbours, who has ever caused us the grief of any kind. Clean the slate and forgive to forget. Wipe each of their names and images off by saying, “I forgive him/her for everything, and I wish him/her well.” Repeat this statement each time we think of the person or situation until the negative feelings are gone.
- d) Be FREE by forgivng ourselves
Fourth, forgive is ourselves for every senseless, wicked, thoughtless or cruel thing we have ever done or said. Stop carrying these past mistakes around with us.
Think, we did those things in the past, we were not the person we are today. At that time, we were different persons, younger and less experienced, occurred in the past that we cannot change.
Just say, “I forgive myself for every mistake I ever made and I am going to have a enjoyable beautiful future.” Whenever we think of that event or situation, just repeat, “I forgive myself completely. Focus on the future rather than the past, we cannot undo past and don’t look back
Finally, if we did hurt someone, we can go to that person, or write, and apologize. Tell, we are sorry for what we did or said. Whatever his or her reaction, it doesn’t matter. Act of repentance and regret, will set us free.
Wiping the Slate Clean After Making a Mistake
We made mistakes and wrong. How we handle is 90%, event only 10%. Take steps to repair the damage, wipe the slate clean and move on.
- Acknowledge what we did was wrong. Without this acknowledgement, our heart isn’t going to be in any other step.
- Accept responsibility for our actions. Recognize and accept we made mistake, by weakness, premeditation, or being neglectful
- Apologize to those affected. A simple, heartfelt “I’m sorry” can go a long way towards mending a broken fence.
- Make amends. a kid, stealing a candy bar— return or pay for it. Some things are easier to restore. Some are difficult to restore or amends, but will be more rewarding.
- Ask forgiveness. Asking forgiveness can help the relationship to heal.
- Adjust our approach. From the mistakes, what we learned ? What changes we need and What we will do differently so that it doesn’t happen again?
- Seek assistance. Sometimes, we need help from a coach to a therapist/imam or checking into rehab.
- Try again. made a mistake. Don’t shy away from trying again. We now have experience.
- Forgive ourselves of guilt. Everyone have forgiven us and forgotten about it, but we’re still thinking. Focus on what we learned and move on. The sooner we forgive ourselves the better we will feel.
لَا يُكَلِّفُ ٱللَّهُ نَفۡسًا إِلَّا وُسۡعَهَاۚ لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتۡ وَعَلَيۡہَا مَا ٱكۡتَسَبَتۡۗ رَبَّنَا لَا تُؤَاخِذۡنَآ إِن نَّسِينَآ أَوۡ أَخۡطَأۡنَاۚ رَبَّنَا وَلَا تَحۡمِلۡ عَلَيۡنَآ إِصۡرً۬ا كَمَا حَمَلۡتَهُ ۥ عَلَى ٱلَّذِينَ مِن قَبۡلِنَاۚ رَبَّنَا وَلَا تُحَمِّلۡنَا مَا لَا طَاقَةَ لَنَا بِهِۦۖ وَٱعۡفُ عَنَّا وَٱغۡفِرۡ لَنَا وَٱرۡحَمۡنَآۚ أَنتَ مَوۡلَٮٰنَا فَٱنصُرۡنَا عَلَى ٱلۡقَوۡمِ ٱلۡڪَـٰفِرِينَ (٢٨٦) سُوۡرَةُ البَقَرَةAl-Baqara
Allâh burdens not a person beyond his scope. He gets the reward for that (good) which he has earned, and he is punished for that (evil) which he has earned. “Our Lord! Account us not if we forget or fall into error, our Lord! Lay not on us a burden like that which You did lay on those before us ; our Lord! Put not on us a burden greater than we have the strength to bear. Pardon us and grant us Forgiveness. Have mercy on us. You are our Maulâ (Protector) and give us victory over the disbelieving people.” (2.286)
We seek forgiveness for our shortcomings from a) our parents, b) our relatives, c) neighbours, coworkers, SNMC and CBET community members, and d) from ourselves