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The Balance in Raising Our Children

by Imam Zijad

Narrated Abu Huraira (r) that al-Aqra’ b. Habis saw Allah’s Apostle (S) kissing Hasan. He said: “I have ten children, but I have never kissed any one of them, whereupon Allah’s Messenger (S) said: He who does not show mercy (towards his children), no mercy would be shown to him.”

عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، أَنَّ الأَقْرَعَ بْنَ حَابِسٍ، أَبْصَرَ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يُقَبِّلُ الْحَسَنَ فَقَالَ إِنَّ لِي عَشَرَةً مِنَ الْوَلَدِ مَا قَبَّلْتُ وَاحِدًا مِنْهُمْ فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم إِنَّهُ مَنْ لاَ يَرْحَمْ لاَ يُرْحَمْ

Source: Muslim

Transliteration: “Innahu Man La Yarham, La Yurham.”

Muslim parents should work on building children’s self-esteem and never give a chance to tear it down.

Helping children develop healthy self-esteem is one of the most important things that parents can do for them here and now.

Children need to be assured by their parents’ attitude of care, love and mercy, not just words, that they are a special gift from God.

This attitude of parents towards children would give them sense of value, purpose, and direction in their young life.

If parents do not achieve this goal but focus on weakening or tearing their children’s self-esteem, that could leave long term consequences in their lives of their own children.

There are several ways how parents tear down children’s self-worth and self-esteem:

1. Perfectionism: Many parents see one ‘B’ among all ‘A’s’ which their children get at the end of a term.

Such perfectionist parents will tear down their children’s self-esteem by never being satisfied with their accomplishments.

Yes, it is good to fine tune of the children’s actions and it is desirable when parents are sure that the child’s self-esteem can handle it.

However, it is important that children’s effort be applauded.

2. Overprotection: Parents should remember that bruised knees will heal, but low self-esteem can last for a lifetime.
3. Humiliation: There are many parents who, by their way of dealing with their children and the way they talk to them, think that they are motivating and correcting their children, but instead, they are really humiliating them.

Humiliation is a common way to rob and destroy a child of self-esteem.

This applies to everyone, especially when we are dealing with our children.

Almighty Allah says in the Qur’an: “O you who believe! Do not humiliate one another by calling each other offensive names.” (Al Hujurat 11)

All parents are having different parental styles based on their personality type, background, and experiences.

Experts say that there are several styles of parenting that strengthen or weaken the child’s self-esteem, and these are: permissive, free-reigning, authoritarian, controlling and nurturing and limits setting.

Most parents fall somewhere between permissive and controlling styles.

Permissive and free-reigning parents often have trouble setting limits.

Authoritarian parents often fail to listen what children have to say or show respect for their ideas or opinions.

Controlling parents nurture and set limits for their children, but frequently go overboard in supervising and micromanaging them.

The most balance style of parenting is the one that falls between nurturing and setting limits.

Islam promotes moderation in every aspect of life, as pointed in the last three posts, including parenting, as Almighty Allah says in the Qur’an: “And thus We have made you an Ummah of moderation (justly balanced).”(Al Baqarah 143)

On this basis, the ideal parents are those who achieve the right balance between nurturing and limit setting.

They are firm in setting limits, yet they allow children freedom within those limits.

They make very positive comments and are reasonable in discipline.

They are principled, firm yet kind, merciful and generous.

The reason is obvious: they care about their children and thus want to ensure that the children attain full potential on the path of their development and growth.

If it happens that children sometimes face challenges on that path, children will know that their parents’ support is inevitable and available at any point in time they need it.

Ya Rabb! Guide us parents to nurture our children and set limits in their lives so that our lives and their lives be filled with progress, success, cooperation and mutual celebrations!

Allahumma Amin!

SNMC Al-Huda Online School is pleased to announce the registration of SNMC Al-Huda online Islamic school 2020/2021, JK to grade 8.

First Day: Saturday, Oct. 17, 2020  

Time: Every Saturday from 12:20pm- 2:30pm  

Student Fee: $100/year  

Please note that an email will be sent with details on how to make the fee payment. Filling the form does not guarantee your child a spot at the school.  

Requirements:  

– Each student needs his/her access to a device and an email to log in to the online classes  

– The student must have his/her device camera on during classes 

 – Each student must have his/her own Zoom account access email. 

To register please go to: https://tinyurl.com/yxflpw83 

 

 

Narrated by Ibn ‘Abbas (r) that the Prophet (S) said: “There are two blessings which many people incur loss and they are a) good health and b) free time [for doing good deeds].”(Bukhari)

عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ ـ رضى الله عنهما ـ قَالَ قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ “‏ نِعْمَتَانِ مَغْبُونٌ فِيهِمَا كَثِيرٌ مِنَ النَّاسِ، الصِّحَّةُ
وَالْفَرَاغُ ‏”‏‏
Source: Bukhari
Transliteration: “Ni’matani Maghbunun Fihima Kathirun Minannasi: As Sihah Wal Farag.”

One of the important points of the Surah Al ‘Ast is the notion of time.
There are three important aspects of time that we should be aware of:
1) Time is the greatest blessings we were given by the Creator

2) Our time is spent fast

3) Whatever is gone will not come back until the day of Judgement

So firstly, time is the most important asset, blessing and gift bestowed upon us!
Actually, time is life itself! We are number of days. As one day goes by, part of us ends with it, as explained by Hasan Al Basri.
Each one of us is given credits of 86,400 seconds in a day and each day opens a new account.
If we fail to use the day’s deposits, the loss is ours, because “the clock of age” reduces life by the tick of every passing second.

Secondly, our time is spent fast!
The lesson of the story of Nuh a.s tells much about the reality of life in Duniya and the speed of passing of our life. Even though he lived 950 years, when he was aske d about his life in Duniya, he said that it was like a house with two doors…through one he entered and through
another he exited.
The Qur’an cautions us: “And on the day when He shall gather them together, it will be as if they had not stayed (in Duniya) but an hour of a day.” (Yunus 45)
And lastly, whatever of our time passed will not come back but on the Day of Judgement!
Hasan Al Basri taught us that “Every day when Fajr approaches, a caller calls, O son (child) of Adam! I am a new day and a witness of your deeds, so seize the opportunity of me. Indeed, if I pass, I will not come back till the Day of Judgment.”
That is why we believers are asked to prioritize our time.
We are obliged to value and thus evaluate every moment of our life.
We are asked that every moment be filled with productive activities.

Our role-model Muhammad (S) gave us the guidance in this regard when he asked us to have time for:
a) ‘Ibadah;
b) accountability (putting your books in order);
c) relationship with other creation of Allah and
d) time to secure the necessities of life. (Ibn Hibban)

If we would really like to be productive believers than we must divide our tasks into fouressential categories:

• Urgent and Important and must be done NOW!
• Not Urgent but Important and we can decide when we could do it!
• Urgent but not Important and we may delegate them to someone else to do them!
• Not Urgent and Not Important and all we need to do is dump them!

As we explained earlier, time is a precious resource.
It is a measure of passing of our life.
It is irreplaceable; unlike wealth.
Time once lost, cannot be gained back.
It is something you cannot have enough of.
It is something to be respected (yours and time of other people).
If not managed well, it could be a source of stress.
Thus, believers are obliged to plan our activities and use our time wisely.
Subhanallah!

The Surah opens with a reference to the Time, which is presented here to show that a human being is in loss if he/she fails to realize the real significance of the time given to him/her before he/she departs from this world…before the allocated time expires.
The first message of the Surah is very clear in this oath the Almighty started the Surah with:
“Insan’s (human being’s) single greatest asset in life is the time at his/her disposal.”
Various commentators have offered different viewpoints of the meaning of Al ‘Asr.

Here are two of their viewpoints:
a) it metaphorically indicates that we do not have time to waste and
b) it indicates bygone days wherein humanity has already shown these truths.

While all these interpretations have merit, Al ‘Asr is interpreted mostly to be telling us that there is no time to waste!
Whatever ‘Insan” achieves during his/her short sojourn upon the Earth is crucial for his/her future in the life to come.
In short life of Duniya (this earthy life), one can achieve eternal bliss and peace, if he/she would use time wisely and in accordance with the laws laid down for him/her by the Creator.
A misuse or neglect of this gift, on the other hand, can lead human beings to disaster and unhappiness.
The word time is used for the past as well as for the passing time in which the present, in fact, does not signify any long stretch of time.
Every moment, when it has passed, becomes past, and every moment of the future, when it is passing, becomes present, and when it has passed, becomes past…

The oath by the time also means that human history testifies that the people who were without these qualities eventually incurred loss, and in order to understand the significance of the oath by the passing time, one should understand that the time which is now passing is,
in fact, the time which has been given to every single individual and every single nation so it is up to them how they would deal with their allocated time.

We are now nearly at the end of August 2020. We talked with a cross section of  parents and every one seems to have some anxiety about the kids and children as the new September 2020  school year is knocking at the door. We see the school boards in Ottawa and Toronto are debating various options, on line, physical school or hybrid options. The Ontario education ministry is also suggesting various alternatives.

According to  some parents only 1/4 of students are selecting  on online education and based on their experiences of the last few months they are worried about the quality of online education. Although as per data, 3/4  children have opted for hybrid or physical school education. They are also worried, as the children may bring home some form of virus..

According to a CBC.ca  news of August 21, 2020, 41 schools  in Berlin report the impact of the corona virus. Based on the August 10, 2020, www.mirror.co.uk, reported in the last 2 weeks of July,  in the USA, 97,000 school children tested positive for coronavirus before the start of the school year..

Another educationist from GTA reported, one school in GTA within 2 days of opening, got one case of positive coronavirus and the whole school of  250 students and 8 teachers were all quarantined for 2 weeks.

Some other Ottawa educationists are hesitant to advise parents what to do with their school children, They think it is certainly not an easy decision to take.  Each one , online schooling or physical schooling each has some advantage and some challenges.  Online schooling may be a bit  less risky but online schooling is not the same as physical schooling. As in physical schooling, teachers will engage the children, with help being handy and some children perform better in actual schools  under the supervision of teachers, Based on their own situation, a family can select online or physical schooling.

One thing is clear as  Ontario ( Ottawa and Toronto)  now for about two/three  months, are in stage 3 of business including places of worship/Masjids.  Alhamdu Lillah, in Ontario (Ottawa and Tornto), there have been some  reports of  some increased Coronavirus in few  businesses or places of worship, but still it seems businesses and places of worship are functioning ok under new normal.

Whatever individual parents decide, it is certain, majority of parents, for various reasons, will decide to send their children to physical schooling and the minority will select an online option.

First three months, March to May 2020 , most of the people, parents, children, we all were confined to home. From June to August 2020, most of us are out in parks, shopping malls and in the playground, we are increasingly adapted to new normal. We see parks are full, businesses are  functioning normally under new normal. Same way, with some ups  and downs, we visualize the schools will also run under new normal

We pray and hope for our children, parents and community to remain safe  and secure  as well as students can safely continue the school year from September 2020.

VERSE OF THE WEEK WITH ARABIC/ENGLISH:
Almighty Allah reminds us in the Qur’an:

1. In the name of God, Most Gracious, Most MercifulBy the passage of Time!

2. Surely, humanity is in loss,

3. Except for those who have faith, do righteous deeds and advise each other to the truth and advise each other to patience. (Al ‘Asr 1-3).

 

 

SNMC JUMA PRAYER September 4th , 2020 (Four Khutbahs):
1st Khutbah 1:00 pm: Khateeb – Imam Dr. Mohsen
2nd Khutbah at 2:00 pm: Khateeb – Imam Dr. Zijad
3rd Khutbah at 3:00 pm – Dr. Emdad Khan
4th Khutbah at 4:00 pm – Dr. Ahmed Alsayed

Jumah Prayer will be held @ the SNMC MASJID/CENTER, 3020 Woodroffe Ave,
Barrhaven, Canada.